What is Happiness? Soph Zel: A Journey

If you could change any one thing about society as a whole, would you change anything? What would you change?

The world we live in evolves each day, each month, each year. It has been evolving for many years and will continue to evolve long after we are gone. Sometimes we take three steps forward, and sometimes two steps back. Unfortunately, our current situation seems to be moving backwards. There is a war going on in the Middle East, the US has a president who posts on social media like writing a dear diary, and the cost of living has reached a point where few people are actually living.

I could call this blog How to Live, or How to Get the Most Out of the Minimum, but instead: Finding Your Smile. And I mean a smile of pure joy, pure contentment in that one moment where you just can’t help it. In our current world, where there is so much sadness, devastation, and struggle, I challenge you to find something that makes you smile. Better yet, find something that makes someone else smile.

I’m grateful to be able to live the life I do now, but this is also the story of my journey as someone who wasn’t always blessed with happiness.

A memory comes to mind when I think of my first piece of advice on how to be happy. Actually, at the time it was about how to be confident, but I think it could apply to happiness too. It was from one of the pretty, popular girls in school who I sat next to in maths one year. I passed her a note asking, “How are you so confident?” She replied with, “Fake it till you make it.”

The outward perception of happiness is possibly different from actually feeling happy. What “fake it till you make it” could mean is that if you pretend to be happy for long enough, you might actually trick your brain into being happy. Positivity affects other people — if you are kind to someone and they feel good because of you, you might then feel good for making them feel good. So it can’t hurt to try, right?

Trigger Warning: Mental health

In full transparency, as a teenager I struggled with depression, and I would spend some evenings cry-screaming on the bathroom floor or sobbing in bed. I think a lot of it came from my self-image — the hate towards myself and my body. Other parts came from anger about things I couldn’t control at home and feeling so out of place almost everywhere. Things improved once I left high school, moved out of home into a new city, made some new friends, and, eventually, became a woman. Even though happiness or self-worth shouldn’t come from that, it did make me feel wanted — desired even — and it did a lot for my mental health.

I think it’s ironic that at university I would get asked how to become happy when I was still working on my mental health. I was in a place where I would cry from being all alone in a three-bedroom apartment. One flatmate would be at uni, and the other at her boyfriend’s flat. Of course I had other friends, but they were always busy or would pop in only briefly. What affected me most was knowing that if I wanted to talk to someone, it would be a 10-minute drive away — and I didn’t have a car.

Having grown up with two siblings, never getting an ounce of free time or quiet time, I realised that having a full house with lots of noise was comforting. I knew that at home, even if I was sitting alone in my bedroom, I could find my sister, brother, mum, or dad for a chat whenever I wanted. To this day, there are moments when being home alone makes me feel sad. I am grateful for all the people — and doggies — I have around for that comfort today.

Today, I’m someone who feels everything deeply, is extra aware of others’ emotions, and has a million and one things going on inside my head at all times. I think the years of our early 20s are when we learn the most about ourselves — and also when you either accept where you are or do some serious work to change it. Once I realised and accepted that I’m a little crazy, a little cringe, and a little creative, it was easier to be myself and be okay with that.

Finding the small moments of joy became easier knowing that anything I did with an essence of crazy — like an adrenaline rush — cringe — like a warm and fuzzy — or creative — like a wave of inspiration — was always worth the chase.

What Is Happiness?

I think happiness is many things and little things. From people to pets, from beauty to bed, from wining to dining — there are lists on lists. It’s something different for everyone. It can be a continuous feeling or a fleeting one. It can slam into you like a truck or slowly creep its way in. It can come from the inside, where your mind wakes up and decides what kind of day it’s going to be, or it can come from the outside — a compliment from your loved one or, equally, spilled milk.

Happiness is like an energy, floating around, dancing through the air, swimming through particles, waiting for you to reach out and grab it.

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to share six tips and ideas around what makes me smile, what brings me joy, and what happiness means to me. I can’t tell you what happiness is for you, but I can share my own ideas — and maybe inspire your own version.

The first idea is actually the fifth stage of grief — acceptance. This is about accepting where you are.

The others are:

2. Be grateful for what you have.

3. Don’t worry about what you can’t change.

4. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

5. Remember when you were young?

6. Find the tiny joys.

Being a creative storyteller, I have many ideas to share. Until now I didn’t have an outlet. I’m working on growing an audience, but for those here at the start, I appreciate you and look forward to growing together, smiling together, and finding those small moments of joy together.

Do tell me though - what is one joy you have found today?

Yours truly, Soph Zel x